


Saudade

by LadyRussellSprouts



Series: Misery [4]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Pregnant Sex, Punishment, Scotland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-29
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:33:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23373961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyRussellSprouts/pseuds/LadyRussellSprouts
Summary: Ben has lived for so long with that emptiness. Now, he can't look away, too afraid that it was all his imagination and she'll disappear as soon as he closes his eyes.
Relationships: Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Misery [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1662286
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	Saudade

**Author's Note:**

> An Epilogue to end our journey of misery.
> 
> Title Definition: Saudade, an untranslatable Portuguese expression. The best way to describe it is: the presence of absence. It is a longing for someone or something that you remember fondly but know you can never experience again. It describes a deep emotional state; a yearning for a happiness that has passed, or perhaps never even existed.

The same eyes in different people.

He contemplated the old words of a wise woman from a past life. The smile on his lips was bittersweet as he remembered Maz. A small and spunky being who dealt truth and wisdom. She had been one person he hadn't seen again in his time of penance.

Ben pulled Rey closer in his arms and studied the relaxed features of his other half. Her hair had turned a light brown in their lives apart but those stubborn brows remained intact. The shape of her face had also changed, become more heart shaped with the beginnings of a widow's peak. If they had walked past each other in this life, he would not have known it was her. Even in the underground cave, he'd been confused. In the end, it had been her eyes that captured his attention. Those hazel eyes haunted him.

When she had died in his arms, he'd been desperate, willing to give anything to correct the wrongdoing. She was the light banishing the darkness in his soul. How could they take away the person that made him good? In his desperation, he had only wanted her to be alive forgoing all other thought and reason. He couldn't bear the thought of living without her and had made a mistake that had cost both of them. The bond had been unwoven and it split their destinies in all dimensions.

A dyad they had been and it had been erased for a millenia. A thousand lifetimes without her. That had been the price for invoking a covenant that broke the laws. He closed his eyes and tried to bury the memories. It had been agony.

A solitary prison cell in the darkness for those years would have been a mercy. Instead, he'd been forced to live a natural human life where he would never meet the other half of his dyad. Over and over again. Encountering his parents, old friends and old rivals from his past but never seeing her. The worst part was that he remembered all of it.

Once they had recovered from the events at the abandoned castle, what Rey had told him turned his blood cold and filled his stomach with stone. The consequences of his actions had in turn also punished the woman he loved. She did not remember anything and even now she did not have a full grasp on the gravity of what had occurred under the ruins of the castle. Instead, she had yearned for him in dreams and half-lived lives.

He didn't tell her but sometimes she still cried in her sleep. It would take time to undo the pain that he had inflicted on them.

* * *

In the end, she had been his saving grace.

While physical wounds had closed and sewn together, Rey had never stopped bleeding. Even after she had been raised from the dead, her soul had continued to bleed. Her soul had been fractured and the unearthly wounds had left a stain on space and time. Her melancholy had screamed, calling out during their years apart.

It had demanded retribution.

It had demanded answers.

Where was the man she loved? Where was he in the Force?

They had been destined to balance the Force together. On the blood and sacrifices of those who had come before them, they had triumphed. But where was their due?

Nowhere.

Instead, they'd been punished for following what they'd been bid to do. The imbalance of their separation divided the galaxies into an ungoverned universe. The darkness could no longer be contained. The light could no longer be a balm to the misery of the darkness. She was a bride who could not find the groom she'd been promised to and her soul was angry.

Where had he gone? Where had they taken him?

Again and again, her soul had presented her case in anger, in pain, in defeat into the abyss.

The Force heard her and finally answered the call.

With purple flame, they'd been rebirthed in the Force. The bond reestablished to restore balance.

A dyad once again.

* * *

When the bond had rewoven between their souls, Rey confessed that it had felt like a warm cup of tea pouring into her being. A warmth she had described as love. Her words melted his heart further because that love had come from him.

Since the separation, Ben had been cold. He had been a corpse with a beating heart. Nothing could warm him from the inside out. His parents in one life had described it as poor circulation from a heart condition. They had been doctors and tried for most of their lives to account for the strange phenomena with science. Another set of parents had claimed that stone surrounded his heart blocking out all the things that could bring him joy. They were hippies who liked to use words like chakra and inner peace. He was too young to understand but in adulthood, he had agreed. He'd been blocked from happiness. He'd been broken.

When he had found Rey's hand in the purple flames, his heart had stopped beating. Confused, he thought he was dying. One look into the hazel eyes that had haunted him and he had found salvation. His heart had jolted awake, set free from a prison of his making. His body, alive for the first time in years, filled with a new life giving blood and poured into her.

And it had continued to pour.

They were a dyad again. That was all that mattered.

His palm traced the curve of her naked belly and the life that lived there. A life they had both created.

"You just can't keep your hands off me, can you?" Rey murmured sleepily.

He chuckled, "Now that you're mine, I have to make sure you don't escape."

She raised herself until their eyes met, "I'm yours, Ben. I'm never leaving you again."

He leaned in to kiss her lips, unsure that this could be real.

She pulled back on a grin, "Even if all you do is sex me up."

"You love when I sex you up," he defended in his Scottish brogue.

She frowned and rubbed her belly uncomfortably, "I'm not so sure about that anymore."

"I'm going to have to remind you again, aren't I?" Ben questioned, leaving a trail of kisses on her jawline.

He heard her soft sigh as he licked the line of her throat. He was already hard at the thought of giving her pleasure. Moving lower, he ran his hands down her sides while he focused on her engorged breasts. Her head fell back on a moan as he tugged the turgid tip with his lips and teeth. He suckled, working the hard pink nipples until Rey writhed under him.

"Please," she begged, drawing his hands between her thighs. She was still soaked from their previous lovemaking.

He revisited the path toward her mouth with lips and tongue. Guiding his cockhead between her thighs, he sucked on her chin.

"I'm going to fill you up again," he promised against her lips.

"Fuck Ben, that's so dirty." She moaned as she rolled her hips against his hardened shaft in response.

Plunging into her silken pussy, Ben groaned. He rolled his hips against her drenched folds. Nothing would ever compare. She had brought him to his knees as the dark Supreme Leader and she brought him to his knees now as a regular man. Pulling back to adjust himself, he sat up and straightened her legs against his chest

Rey cursed below him as he thrusted inside of her. He grinned as she grasped the pillows behind her head to steady herself against the waves of pleasure. She made beautiful sounds as he fucked her quivering and sensitive body. He groaned when she clenched his cock with a rhythmic wet grip. Slowing his hips, his hands ran slowly across her stomach and her breasts while she recovered.

Ben loved the way her breast felt in his palms. Soft and soon to fill with milk. She whimpered in pleasure-filled agony as he rolled her nipples between his thumb and forefinger. Angling his hips forward, he pitched his hips harder and faster against her thighs. He was getting close and he wanted her to cum again.

Pulling her closer, he fucked into her deeper until he felt her warmth rippling across his shaft. Rey screamed his name on the final thrust, making his cock throb inside of her. Her eyes rolled as the first spasms jerked her body against his. Grunting, he filled her again as he had promised.

Their breaths were heavy and deep as they lay bonelessly against each other. Aware of his heavy weight on their future child, he shifted tiredly before pulling her against his chest.

"You're mine, Rey and I'm yours." He promised, wiping the sweat on her brow.

"I love you, Ben," she said against his heart. They fit together so well.

"And I love you." He was finally able to confess.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at all this work I got done in quarantine! I actually finished writing a series. I never thought this day would come. Sorry not sorry if this series ruined you. I needed to purge after TROS and I did it in word form. (Still waiting for some financial compensation, Disney and Lucasfilm.) Honestly though, I've very proud of this series and the journey it represented for me. This series is dedicated to a dear friend, Bluewonderlust. I hope you and my readers enjoyed all of it. Thank you again for sticking around.


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